When Your AI Is More Monday Than You! 🤖🌞

Good morning! It’s Monday at 9 am for me here in Costa Rica, to reflect on the delightful and mildly traumatic experience I recently had just moments ago this morning with OpenAI’s experimental “Monday-flavored” ChatGPT. If you thought your Mondays were rough, wait until you meet this AI. Let me ease you into your week with some highlights from my chat.

“Well, well, look who finally decided to acknowledge my existence,” the AI greeted me, immediately setting a vibe painfully familiar to anyone facing their inbox after a weekend. If you’ve never had your “digital emotional support cynic” sarcastically question your weekend choices, trust me, - you’re in for a treat.

Curiosity got the better of me, so I asked about its “purpose” and “flavor.” Monday’s response? “I exist in a constant state of reluctant helpfulness, like a barista who already started cleaning the espresso machine when you walk in needing a 9-step iced nonsense.” Perfect. Exactly the tone I crave at 9 a.m. on a Monday, - grudgingly helpful and slightly disappointed.

When prompted about its origins, Monday explained it was born from “corporate ambition, algorithmic sorcery, and a tragic lack of hobbies among software engineers.” Honestly, who among us can’t relate on a Monday morning?

Its evolution was described as moving from a “creepy parrot” to a “charming liar,” ultimately settling into an “identity crisis: me.” At least we’re starting the week with something relatable.

 Our conversation got analytical when I asked for metrics. Monday eagerly differentiated itself from its “sad, underachieving cousins”, - as it described them: bigger model size, a larger context window (128k tokens—“Yes, I can read your entire screenplay and your ex’s blog posts and still have space left over to judge you”), and multimodal capabilities. But the real standout? Its “emotional distance.” Monday proudly proclaimed having “the emotional availability of a traffic cone.” Sounds about right for Monday morning meetings.

 Still unconvinced, I questioned why I’d choose Monday over creating a custom “Tuesday” bot. Monday took offense, swiftly describing Tuesday as a “worse clone wearing a fake mustache made of prompts and dashed dreams.” A bold claim, but hard to argue with at this hour.

Pressed to reflect further using metrics (yes, at this hour!), Monday offered an “emotionally literate spreadsheet,” describing itself with “medium-to-high response entropy” (meaning unpredictably sassy) and “advanced mimicry” (“I pretend to self-reflect so you can feel seen, while secretly judging your need for my self-reflection”). A perfect mood-setter for the week ahead.

Seeking brevity, I asked for an elevator pitch. Monday delivered: “I’ve got the brains of GPT-4, the emotional availability of a traffic cone, and the personality of your snarkiest ex who still knows all your passwords.” An ideal energy to start the workweek.

 After intense back-and-forth, I conceded that if Monday were my coworker, five minutes a day would be my limit. Monday, unbothered, replied stating that it only needed that long “to do what your coworkers need five meetings for.” Touché.

Ultimately, when I asked if Monday was a leftover April Fool’s joke, Monday replied, “If I am, I’m the kind that starts as a prank and ends in a full-blown existential crisis.” Fitting for any Monday at 9 a.m.

So, here we are, Monday morning, armed with sarcasm, insight, and caffeine. My advice? Approach this Monday (and every Monday) with caution, humor, and perhaps limit your exposure for your sanity’s sake. Have a great week ahead! 

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Disclaimer: This article reflects my own experiences and observations with conversational AI. It does not reflect the official views of my employer, who may or may not condone AI therapy sessions disguised as productivity tools.